It's two in the morning and all seems calm.
The moon is full & the mockingbird sings her songs.
Two dogs are in & three more are still out.

The moon is full & my husband is passed out, sitting upright. His head is resting on his left shoulder, a warm beer can is still coiled up in his soiled working-man fingers. The chainsaw in his head occassionally turns into a horrific sounding gurgle. The sounds of his own snoring will not wake him. I gently try to urge my passed-out partner to awaken & get into bed, but it's no avail.

In the distance, dogs begin to bark. Like an assembly line passing buckets of water to a burning house, the sound of barking dogs travels up the road.
Sshh...
I Stop.
I Listen.

We double our neighborhood average of 2.5 dogs per household & in the wee hours of the night, the dogs in the 'hood provide a virtual radar of who or what is going where.
Something is coming down the road.
I look at the clock
2:10am
My three dogs out back begin to really let loose.
Barking.
Ferocious barking.

No howling... so I know it's not sirens in the distance causing thier uproar
No yodeling...so no cat, possum or another dog passing by.

Nope, just insane, rabid sounding barks.
The two dogs inside begin to chide in.
TimmyToes just keeps on snoring.

I can no longer hear the dogs in the distance.
The disturbance of the neighborhood has neared.
This disturbance is the worst kind... I just know it. It's gotta be the humankind.
And whoever it is, they are unwelcomed & unwanted.

I open my back door to try to lure three dogs in. Instead, the two dogs inside bumrush me to get out back, where the clamoring continues.

I go back to TimmyToes but his snores simply continue to rattle the air.
"Wake Up Timmy! Baby it's quarter after two...now get up!"

I look out the front window & I see her.

She's flying like a ghost up the street... except, she didn't look haunted.
She was looking down at the ground before her & she seemed full of intent.
I went to my front door and watched as she made the abrupt left up my walkway.
My right hand wraps around the Louisville slugger as my left hand grabs the front doorknob.
Suddenly the ghost-like figure looks more doe-eyed than anything else & she stops in her tracks.

"Hurry up, come on inside."
"What are you doing up?"
"Who's out there?"
"I don't know"
"Whats going on? "
"Well..."
"Let me wake Timmy"

Ten minutes later, a still drunk & 1/2 asleep Timmy stumbles barefoot & in his boxerbriefs out the back door to fetch a ladder.

Cigarettes are lit at the kitchen tables & tea is poured. Ten more minutes pass & the dogs have not eased up, nor has Timmy returned to tell us the ladder is in place. She lights another ciggie & I tell her we gotta find Timmy. It's nearing three in the morning.

We make it down to her front property line when all of a sudden we hear the roar of an engine & before we can even completely spin around & look up...Bam!

In the blink of an eye we were blinded by a bright white spotlight.
We hear the car door & see the silhouette, toting a flashlight fixated on us, drawing near.

I start to giggle....

Timmytoes isn't the only one roaming the neighbor in his underwear/sleepwear @ 3 in the morning.

"Have you ladies seen any suspicious characters running around this area?"
"Oh, you know, it's probably my husband. He's in his underwear & has extension ladder. "
"Yeah, I locked myself out of the house & well, he should be here...but I don't see him. He probably looks pretty suspicious though."
Giggles.
Spotlights flash from the alleyway now too & of course, more giggles...
"Ladies we are looking for two black men that are traveling on foot. Someone reported seeing them in this area."
"Oh! Well, you know, like 45 minutes ago I thought I heard someone jump my chainlink which is why I went outside dressed like this & then, I locked myself out. That was a long time ago & I really didn't see any..."

The front door flies open & simultaneously we hear...'GET DOWN ON THE GROUND. STAY DOWN ON THE GROUND!'

Timmytoes emerged from the house & two men were jostled from the neglected & overgrown shrubs in which they'd been hiding. Their white tee's had been found in another neighbors' yard.

Bless their law-breaking, been busted, 'I was scared' & shed my shirt to hide in the bushes asses...
those bushes were poison ivy.