Angels Take All Forms...from Fight to Flight

College history books, notepads, writing utensils & myself...all spread across my living room floor. Laying on my side, head propped up by my crooked arm, studying my heart out and suddenly the warmth of a small hand on my shoulder.

I live alone. I have no company. It's a Saturday afternoon in the summer of '95.

I can feel the hand squeeze my shoulder. I stop writing, stop reading & I may have even stopped breathing. I couldn't turn my head. I wasn't fearful, but I was afraid.

I was afraid that the sensation would stop.
I closed my eyes & could feel love? I opened my eyes. The sensation was still there. Something seemed to be glowing from beyond my field of vision, over & beyond my right shoulder... I was frozen... I closed my eyes & contemplated an attempt? to stop this?
The phone rang & I lurched upward. The warmth was gone. The light was gone.
The phone was still ringing.
I jump up to get it.
'Hello?'
'Hi~ It's me. It just happened...just now.'
'What happened? Do you mean...'
'Yes, she told me to call you'
'Ooooohhhh, the fight's over?'
'Yeah, she's gone into flight... '

Twenty years ago, there was Jill.

Suddenly & fatefully, brought into my life by a soul-mate, kindred spirit, friend & beyond all time love of mine... (not to be confused with a lover, lost-love or spouse )

She was a Native American Indian & she, like me, dream traveled. She did it with intent, I did not. She was at peace & I was fighting. She understood, I didn't & I knew it.

She helped to teach me to understand, to beleive, to know & to accept... myself, other people, relationships, strangers, religions, traditions, cultures, actions & reactions, beleifs, desires, objectives, fate, free will...

At 24 she became pregnant with her second child & shortly thereafter she was finally diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.
Choices.
Fight or flight?

She chose flight, at least for 9 months, despite the doctors' warnings for mother and child. She flew through her preganancy & carried her son full-term ... giving birth to a beautiful baby. Within 72 hours , they removed all or part of eleven different organs.

The fight began.

Over the next three years, she flitted between fight & flight, as life demanded.
She night traveled to visit her brothers & her mother... she had flight. She'd squeeze their toes while they slept or mark a page in a book for them. She watched, with loving support, as her own mother was eventually diagnosed with the same cancer. Within six months, she stood tall at her mom's funeral & question how she would travel at sleep-travel to her.

She took her children to Disney World. She took cutting edge meds. She ignored the 'skin-head' comments made by those who knew not better. She traveled to Mexico & to the Cancer Center. And she made arrangements.

She made arrangements with me.

She had me promise her.

She told me she would come for me one day very soon...that she would need me to be there for her family. She trusted me, valued me & beleived in me.

In the Summer of 1995, she slept. She rested her eyes. She traveled the places & ages, but with her eyes closed. A Saturday afternoon in the summertime, she opened her eyes...

'Jimmy?'
'Jimmy, it's time'
'Bring me the boys'
'I love you, I always have & always will...I'll always be here...understand you won't get to see me anymore, except in your dreams...but I'll always be watching over you.'
'Take them away'
'Jimmy....thank you, I love you too.'
Are you going right now?
'Yes, It's okay....really, it's good.'
yeah?
'yeah, call Jack(to get the kids) & the ambulance'
'ok'
'ok, maybe you should call Paige first'

College history books, notepads, writing utensils & myself...all spread across my living room floor...It's a Saturday afternnon in the summer of 1995