Bite Me

Wouldn't it be nice if we could really eat Tabasco and have mosquitos explode upon biting us? Anything to limit them to just one bite would be nice...



Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
- Helen Keller

Have Courage...Get Lucky!

38 years ago, this week, in '69 as Hurricane Camille began her voyage straight towards home, my younger brother was born. Dad was out of town on business. My mothers' sister came to sit with the four of us as Momma was raced to the hospital. Chanty boy was born with Downs' Syndrome, among other things and Mother was told she may as well go home & evacuate her remaining children as he would never make it through the night. She had to have courage & she did. He, at a few hours of age, had to have courage & he did. And we all got lucky.
Chanty Boy made it through the night, through the week, through his teens and all the way to his 38th birthday. The man, who will always be Chanty-Boy to me, has courage.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANTY BOY! WE ARE SO VERY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU!

Some of you are aware that my beautiful, sweet, soulful sister Kimbies was diagnosed with Her2+ Breast Cancer last year. She, too, has had courage... the deep, powerful, loving kind of courage that you never even know exists until the time has come for it to reveal itself. I sit back and I look at her with an awe and an amazement that words could never wrap around, yet I find her love, her courage, her strength, her passion wrapping all around me... and it wraps around everyone she comes in contact with. Talk to her once & it'll wrap around you too.

At one point in time, not so long ago, I thought I would never even get a mammogram. I thought I would just live until I died...which I know is ultimately what I'd be doing no matter what. I thought 'there are some things I just don't wanna know...'

Several weeks before I filed for divorce, I had my first mammogram. A couple weeks after I filed, it came back 'suspicious.' So I went back for a 'magni-mammo.' It, too, came back suspicious & they sent me to a surgeon.The mammogram picked up things that no self-exam ever could. The surgeon said my bi-rad score was a four & that I had a high density (and to think I thought firm breasts were good ;) He said that they would probably remove all suspicious areas while pulling for the biopsy.

I was scared, facing divorce & possibly cancer.

But, I thought about my Mother, my brothers, my sisters, Mel, Vicci, She with Courage, the Dog Whisperer , Kharma & so many other others and all the COURAGE they have had. I thought about all the other times in my life I had to have courage. I thought about how TODAY we were all so LUCKY to have each other, like many other days gone by & days yet to come.

So I pulled out my peaceful Lucky shirt sent ever so generously & thoughtfully by COURAGE & plopped it over my bony head, my bony shoulders & my grateful heart. I went in for for my stereotactic procedure & the results, which I know will be good, should be here by next week-end. Sometimes we just gotta have COURAGE in order to get lucky!

Ladies & Gentlemen...please get your mammograms done. Educate yourselves. Have Courage & Maybe We will All Get Lucky!

Faces of Me

The many faces of me...change with time.
Skinny, Little Blonde.
Freak.
Conservative.
Geek.
Liberal.
Hippie.
Goldie.
Rebel.
Free-spirit.
Brat.
Natural.
Tom-boy.

When I was a little girl, I had some adults tell me that I reminded them of a girl called 'Twiggy.'
I also, had a lot of kids that called me a Tom-Boy.
In sixth grade, I had a boy call me 'white trash' because I wore my brothers' clothes.
At another school, in another state, I had a group a girls call me a 'prep' because I was a cheer-leader for 4 mos.
In high school, I had a boy tell me I looked like a 'beach-bunny.'
Same year, another school in yet another state, I was called a 'freak.'
In college, I was told that I looked like a 'librarian'
I was also told that I danced like an 'old hippy.'

I have been told that I look like Goldie Hawn, Olive Oyl & Uma Thurman.
I have been told I look homely & sick.
And I have been told I look natural & happy.
I have been told that I come off as aloof, blunt and a 'do-it-yourselfer.'
First impressions & misconceptions...
One of my best friends initially thought I must be a slut because I hung out with a bunch of guys... plus I was skinny and a blonde.
I have had strangers try to turn me into a victim of their violence because they perceived me to be 'weak.'
I have had superiors try to hold me back because they saw me as 'flighty.'
I have had authority figures stalk me because they perceive me to be 'bad & up to no good.'
I have had mechanics & others try to rake me across the coals financially because they perceived me as 'dumb'
I have had people confide in me the darkest secrets of their souls upon meeting me because they perceived me to be 'open.'
I'm all of these, but in reality, not as they it.

I, like anyone reading this, have been labeled 1001 things.
perceptions, misconceptions & reflections.
We all get labeled.

Our labels change with time, circumstance, place & company. Some of these perceptions are misconceptions and some are reflections. Some are reflections of ourselves & some are reflections of those around us.

In sixth grade, when that boy called me 'white trash' I wanted to re-invent myself. I had been at the school for over a year, I was considered a Tom-Boy and I got into a lot of fights. I wasn't real happy.

When we moved to another state, I re-invented myself, kind of. I promised myself I would not fight and I would wear clothes that were more 'girly.' I promptly tried out for cheer-leading and although I didn't find my niche in life, I did discover that with a change and a choice... the perceptions of me from the world around me could change. Maybe not in entirety, but some.

I learned that how people perceive you, dictates how they treat you. I learned that how people treat you affects how you perceive the world. I learned that I am still me no matter where I go.

I have learned that when I feel sexy, I look sexy.
I have learned that when I feel determined, I seem empowered.
But I have also learned that people come into our worlds carrying their own personal stereotypes and that their first impressions of you can be dictated by that & not at all by you. only time, exposure & experience can whittle that away. And I know that it can be whittled down...I have done it.

I believe in the color-wheel theory.
I believe that I embody all colors of the rainbow and all the colors in between.
I believe you do, too.
I believe that time and circumstances, as well as personal choice or immediate need, may dictate what colors you may see in me & what colors I am allowing to shine through.
I believe some people are color-blind and for all the reds and yellows I emit, they can only see blacks and blues.
I believe that 99% of communication is interpretation and that communication begins before we even speak.
I believe that on some levels, I pick & choose what colors come flying out of me.
Sometimes I hold colors back, usually out of fear & insecurity, self-preservation and sometimes even, self-promotion.
Some colors, I hold close to my heart & share only with those closest to me.
Some colors just fly.
I have learned that escapism, won't let me escape the fibers of color that form the blanket that cover me....my personal & spiritual skin stay with me where-ever I go. Pills, alcohol, depressive sleep won't take that away. But I have learned that a choice & a change can change the vibrancy of these colors and how clearly I can see myself, as well, as how clearly others can perceive me.

This post was written for someone whose color-wheels are spinning....someone who's allowing the outside world to define their colors, as opposed to allowing their inner-colors shine out & bounce back in a prism effect...someone who feels like their inner-colors are bouncing so fast and hard within themselves that they might actually fear what will happen when these colors come out for the world to see... someone who see's life as being black & white when it's really full-color... someone who wants and needs to make a choice and a change.

I look at you and I see a color-wheel spinning...I see all kinds of colors in flits & flurries bouncing around in your black & white world. I hear you screaming that you want to make a change & a choice and I understand how it's sometimes difficult to pull fresh colors to the surface when all around you seems so dark...like the outside world is sucking up all of your colors, some of which are fresh & new for you, and just painting you black. I understand how sometimes the world defines who we are but I believe we can change those perceptions on some levels. I believe in you and all of your colors. I believe that when we deprive the world of all of our colors, we are depriving ourselves & in essence, living a lie. I believe those colors are busting to come loose.

I believe there is a lover out there waiting to see your shades of red and an employer just waiting to see your greens. There's a friend waiting to see your yellows and a family member waiting to see your rainbow. Likewise, I believe there are those waiting to see all your shades of black, knowing that black will consume all colors.

Through-out this entire post I have made statements, I have shared experiences and convictions of my own... But now, I'd like to ask a question and make a proposition... What's holding you back? Where's the fear?

Make a list, be honest& be true.
I propose that if you can define what is holding you back...
then you can work on resolution to them.
I believe that in those resolutions you will start to let your colors fly...