Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Looking Up From My Wishing Well What Do I See?

Looking Up From My Wishing Well, What Do I See?
But gathered souls with a hope and a dream!
Today I Cried.
Not one of the typical hormonal female 'did you see that commercial' cries or one of those middle-class American 'damn it...won't these bill collectors give me a break' cries. Not one of those 'I don't know what's the matter but I am sick of myself' cries or even one of those 'I'm so shocked, stunned, surprised and filled with fear' cries.
Not a cry of pain, or regret, remorse or anguish...
more like a cry of realization.
You see, my brothers are my brothers just as my sisters are my sisters and we share the same parents. Likewise, my cousins are my cousins and I am Aunt Paige to my nieces & nephews. We are family.
We share things... memories, holidays, rituals, pains, growths, rites of passage and the list goes on.
We are family & we know no boundaries.

But, we don't all share gene pools and we don't share blood types & biologically inherited characteristics. We have long legs, short legs, knobby knees, bubble-butts & no butts. We have blonde hair and black hair. We have hairy legs, hairy backs, bald heads. We have blue eyes, brown eyes, hazel eyes, chinese eyes & blind eyes. We have ADHD, Diabetes, Heart Disease, Cancer, Downs' Syndrome, Alzheimers and again, the list goes on.
We are family.

I'm pretty open minded & not afraid to profess my thoughts, ideas, dreams & notions.
I'm pretty good at telling my family & friends that I love them.
But there's a world full of someone special's out there that need to know they are loved and appreciated, not forgotten and in a special kind of way... a significant part of our family.
More significant than hair color, eye color & inherited diseases, characteristics & traits. This part of the family, although unseen and un-met by us, gives us unconditional & unselfish love, blind faith, hope, determination, strength & all of those things that make a family, a family.

They are not just 'biological mothers' or 'birth mothers.' They are life-givers, life-savers, life-makers and they are the most unselfish people I know.
Young or old, ill-prepared, busted flat broke, addiction stricken, a victim of time, circumstance, rape, mental or physical coercion and/or life in general, I want you to know that it's OK.

No, it's better than OK. It's wonderful.
Without you & your most unselfish choice & decision, I would not have my family.
I wouldn't have the core values, the trust, the faith & the unconditional love that allows me accept that times aren't always easy, life isn't always pretty, choices don't always get dictated by what's best for me.
I may never see you, never touch you in the physical sense, never know you, even conversationally.

I realize that.
We realize that.
Today, I realized that love grows, even in ways so many people never know.

Thank you.
Don't beat yourself up. Don't punish yourself.
Know that your love grows.

Dedicated to everything pink, the butterflies that flutter through our lives touching us with their mystical beauty & places unseen, the reefs upon which the water swirl, giving life undiscovered & of course, all the women who have ever made the hardest decision in their lives... Thank You.


photo blog girl said...

Being a mother is such an amazing thing. I have no kids, but I look at my friends who do, and my own mother, and there's no words that can express gratitude enough. But your post comes close.

Orhan Kahn said...

How very poetic. You writing is strangly addictive, mostly for its honesty and insight.


singleton said...

I cried last night, too. The same tears, When I passed a place where our ever intertwined lives had crisscrossed. And heard the words. My Daughter's Mother's.

To each and every one of you, please know, that the threads you thought were broken are the ties that bind our family together, make us whole, make us one. And please know that we see you everyday, touch you the flit of an eye, the lilt of a laugh, the curl of chubby fingers. You are not a stranger here. And the circle is not broken. You have blessed us. You have gifted us. Thank you for trusting. For holding on so hard that you could let go. For loving so deep...

Some families have Family Trees. In our world it's a nest, gathered one twig at a time....braided, knotted, entwined, beribboned..... Thank you, forever thank you

JustRun said...

It seems as though some of the bravest decisions are the ones that, all to often, go unnoticed. People need to point them out. Thanks for doing that.

The Harbour of Ourselves said...

you write very well and have caused me stop and breath and remember....

glorybe said...

This past Sunday, while I was participating in "Life Chain", I was thinking, "More needs to be done. This isn't enough."

When I finished reading your post, I thought, "This is the 'more' that needed to be done."

Thank you!

SkinnyLittleBlonde said...

Thank you everyone for reading...

Glorybe-there's always 'more' that needs to be done.

More credit needs to be given to all the mother's who lovingly take the loss of a child in the hopes that their child can win more out of life.

Therapist Mumbles said...

Parenting is a slow and time consuming process. Yet it is the most important thing you will ever do. In my practice I have seen parents who drop the ball by expecting too much or too little, by giving too much or too little. Our children are a gift to us for only a short time.

My daughter is moving back here after being 2700 miles away for five years. She is now married and will probably soon have children. We will all cluster around and be part of the process (until she tells us "enough already").

It is an act of love. It is biological destiny.


hmmm... said...

biological destiny?

vicci said...


Anonymous said...

i got here eventually!! lovely words, and touching. thanx for this.


Behind Blue Eyes said...

Great post! I suspect that most women who give up their babies do it out of love and not because they simply didn't want the baby. I'm sure they would be happy if they knew how well their children are doing. (that's what you were talking about..right?)

Jez said...

I have several of what I call 'pseudo-cousins' and 'pseudo- brothers&sisters'.One is a sometime brother, sometime cousin. One of the pseudo-cousins once said, aged seven or so, 'with us, it's not about blood, it's about love.'
Something I find particularly beautiful is how even though the elders (ie grand parents) probably found it hard to comprehend, even accept, the intricacies of this 'modern' family, they have come to accept it, and give love to those within the family who are have no blood ties.
Having said that, I'm an only child and quite content with that!

skinnylittleblonde said...

Photo Blog Girl…I don’t have any kids either, but come from a wonderful line of Mothers. The mothers in my family have adopted kids of all ages & backgrounds. But also taken in those who seemingly had no-where to go. I remember she came home from Winn-Dixie when I was a kid with a homeless boy, who’s pants were safety pinned together. Dad questioned her sanity on it & she said he’d never be able to get a job & move on if he didn’t have a place to shower, sleep & call home. He sent her poinsettas every year at Christmas-time for at least 10 years, keeping her updated on his ever-evolving life. She took in a number of my friends & acquiantences over the years, including one girlfriend who stayed from 10th grade through college, not to mention the countless others of my siblings…whom, by the way, she did not all give birth to.
You are right…there really are no words to express.

Orhan…As Always…Thank You!

Singleton…We are so kinetically connected & I know that you know first hand, the love & pain that I speak of. In fact, you have helped my realize it. Your daughters’ mother helped me realize it. So did Jose, Curt, Heather, Amanda, Jed, Zach, AJ

Just Run … No Doubt!
The Harbour of Ourselves… Thank You very much, in more ways than one.
Glorybe… Again, there is always ‘more’ that can be & should be done, and said.

Therapist Mumbles… I’m glad your daughter is moving closer to home & know that you make some valid points. Thank you.

Hmmm…Obviously, not for all of us! LOL

Vicci… Thank You!

Pink Reefer… Thank you, you are an inspiration.

Behnd Blue Eyes… Yes, that is basically what I was talking about. But even mothers who give up their kids because they don’t ‘want’ them or can’t handle, are expressing an invaluable love. Adopted children, like all others, still have the normal crap to deal with in life…being adopted does not always mean being giving the silver spoon you weren’t born unto, but given a spoon, at least to dig into life with…

Jez… being an only-child, I’m glad you & your family know that is ‘not about blood, it’s about love.’ Seven year olds can be so wise, even wise enough to teach the elders a thing or two!