Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Angels Take All Forms...from Fight to Flight


College history books, notepads, writing utensils & myself...all spread across my living room floor. Laying on my side, head propped up by my crooked arm, studying my heart out and suddenly the warmth of a small hand on my shoulder.

I live alone. I have no company. It's a Saturday afternoon in the summer of '95.

I can feel the hand squeeze my shoulder. I stop writing, stop reading & I may have even stopped breathing.
I couldn't turn my head. I wasn't fearful, but I was afraid.

I was afraid that the sensation would stop.
I closed my eyes & could feel love? I opened my eyes. The sensation was still there. Something seemed to be glowing from beyond my field of vision, over & beyond my right shoulder... I was frozen... I closed my eyes & contemplated an attempt? to stop this?
The phone rang & I lurched upward. The warmth was gone. The light was gone.
The phone was still ringing.

I jump up to get it.
'Hello?'
'Hi~ It's me. It just happened...just now.'
'What happened? Do you mean...'
'Yes, she told me to call you'
'Ooooohhhh, the fight's over?'

'Yeah, she's gone into flight... '

Twenty years ago, there was Jill.

Suddenly & fatefully, brought into my life by a soul-mate, kindred spirit, friend & beyond all time love of mine... (not to be confused with a lover, lost-love or spouse )

She was a Native American Indian & she, like me, dream traveled. She did it with intent, I did not. She was at peace & I was fighting. She understood, I didn't & I knew it.

She helped to teach me to understand, to beleive, to know & to accept... myself, other people, relationships, strangers, religions, traditions, cultures, actions & reactions, beleifs, desires, objectives, fate, free will...

At 24 she became pregnant with her second child & shortly thereafter she was finally diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.
Choices.
Fight or flight?

She chose flight, at least for 9 months, despite the doctors' warnings for mother and child. She flew through her preganancy & carried her son full-term ... giving birth to a beautiful baby. Within 72 hours , they removed all or part of eleven different organs.

The fight began.

Over the next three years, she flitted between fight & flight, as life demanded.
She night traveled to visit her brothers & her mother... she had flight. She'd squeeze their toes while they slept or mark a page in a book for them.
She watched, with loving support, as her own mother was eventually diagnosed with the same cancer. Within six months, she stood tall at her mom's funeral & question how she would travel at sleep-travel to her.

She took her children to Disney World. She took cutting edge meds. She ignored the 'skin-head' comments made by those who knew not better. She traveled to Mexico & to the Cancer Center. And she made arrangements.

She made arrangements with me.


She had me promise her.


She told me she would come for me one day very soon...that she would need me to be there for her family. She trusted me, valued me & beleived in me.


In the Summer of 1995, she slept. She rested her eyes. She traveled the places & ages, but with her eyes closed. A Saturday afternoon in the summertime, she opened her eyes...

'Jimmy?'
'Jimmy, it's time'
'Bring me the boys'
'I love you, I always have & always will...I'll always be here...understand you won't get to see me anymore, except in your dreams...but I'll always be watching over you.'
'Take them away'
'Jimmy....thank you, I love you too.'
Are you going right now?
'Yes, It's okay....really, it's good.'
yeah?
'yeah, call Jack(to get the kids) & the ambulance'
'ok'
'ok, maybe you should call Paige first'

College history books, notepads, writing utensils & myself...all spread across my living room floor...It's a Saturday afternnon in the summer of 1995

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

i am 1/16 native american but shit like this just does not happen to me. i've had lucid dreams and dreams of flying but... nothing too great lately.

i remember you talking about this weeks ago. it's fascinating. i am non-superstitious but this sort of phenomenon does not necessarily lie outside of the world of reason.

i would love to dream travel.

i remember the feeling of empowerment where i was struggling to fly and there was a strong corrolation btween my ability to fly and my belief in my ability.

and then someone was chasing me and i squeezed her breasts and took off! (hey, it was my dream.)

but fascinating stuff!

Baron Ectar said...

What a gift - I would screw it up though because it would scare the bejesus put of me - maybe I should open my mind up a little to this!

Deepak Gopi said...

:)
I am dying to see dysney land.
How much the ticket to the entrance cost.?

Fuzzylogic said...

Incredible and very moving!I'm from India and I have heard about this a lot there too,a journey to worlds beyond physical reality and to move beyond any fear and enter mysteries of rebirth and communication with higher spirit.It's supposed to be an ancient art of dream travel.But never have seen or experienced anything like that.Human mind is such a quagmire!There's so much more to it than we know.
Jill's courage is inspiring and makes us wonder about the real strength of our minds.Your posts take me to a whole different world.It's powerful and thought provoking and at times heart rendering.TY!

singleton said...

Jill wasn't just dream traveling, just flying, she had the gift of wings before they're granted...the gift of years never lived...
I can't help, but sense that you felt that small hand on your shoulder last night...could feel the yesterday love.....the still love....

slaghammer said...

Sometimes we get a glimpse of reality beyond what we are apparently supposed to know. I wonder if there is a conscious "oops" on the other side of a door mistakenly left unlocked or if the door is purposefully left open.

Mel said...

What a gift.....and what an honour to be chosen.

I've no doubt she's watching....

JustRun said...

If you believe in something, that's often all you need, you know?

Have you read The Timetraveler's Wife? Great book- I SO wanted it to be true, too.

glorybe said...

Thank you so much for sharing this.
I have a favor to ask...my dear friend, Jane, had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Her children are only 7 and 5 years old. Could you please ask your friend to give her some comfort and prayer? Thanks so much. I know it will help.

skinnylittleblonde said...

This post is really supposed to be more so about angels than dream traveling.

Matt~ I have a feeling dream traveling doesn't occur too much with alcohol in the system...so you may never able to take that magic carpet ride. LOL.

Baron~ dream traveling did scare me, more so then as opposed to now.They began when I was 14 or 15 & I thought I was insane.

Deepak~ I do not know...haven't been in years. But you have to add all the other fess/costs into the mix. It can be very pricey.

Fuzzy~ Jill's dream travel was something that had been handed down for generations. They practiced it, literally. Jill was an angel here on earth & still is. TY

Slag~ It's weird how that door seems to swing right open for some, some can push it open & nobody ever answers for others.

mel~ :) she had a vision beyond her years. She was always an angel...just changing form.

JustRun~ No, I haven't but I will put it on my hitlist, if it comes recommended by you!

GloryBe ~ (((Jane))) I can & will call upon her & all the other angels I know both here on earth & abroad. As you know (I think you know) my dear sister, Kimbies, is currently fighting breast cancer as well. She's an angel in fight. My mom says life is sometimes hard or harsh for good people because one day we'll need them to have very strong wings. Love to Jane, I beleive in her & her power to heal.

Anne said...

What a sad but beautiful story. *wah!* you totally made me cry!

I got your package in the mail today. Wow, you're so sweet, you spoiled me. Thank you! :) my teenager and i love the cinnamon toothpicks. My little guy won't touch them, but he's really enjoying the rest of the package! The sage reminded me of a story. I'll write about it later. Thanks!!!

Dr. A said...

Beautifully written story. Not much to add to what's already been said.

Thanks so much for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I've taken a look around and I've liked what I've seen -- particularly the use of different colors in your text. I'm going to add you to my links, if that's ok.

Anonymous said...

At times of extreme stress, or if you are sick, lonely or scared, you can reach out. If you need it and want it badly enough, help will come. The form that it takes, and what it really is, may never be clear. But it arrives. Sometimes it is more disruptive to determine reality than it is to question it.

Mel said...

*sending positive thoughts and prayers for Jane and for glorybe*

Pixie said...

Thats a really great but sad tale.

Thanks for the visit :)
Have a great weekend.

sammyray said...

Thank you, Skinny. Beautiful account, straight from the heart.

Isn't love wonderful?

skinnylittleblonde said...

Anne~ Thanks for bopping by & I am glad you got your package. LOL, I burn the sage to negate negative energy, but the rest of the household thinks it's to combat the smell of cinnamon!

DrA~ Thank you for dropping in & I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Come anytime you like, the blog-door is always open:)

therapist Mumbles - Sometimes it is more disruptive to determine reality than it is to question it. No Doubt & sometimes it is more disruptive to question it, than it is to accept it.

Mel ~ You Are An Angel!

Pixie~ Didn't mean to make anyone sad ... this post was born out of a simple question ... 'Do You Beleive in Angels?' My answer is basically yes... physically & spiritually. :)

Sammy~ Sometimes I am not sure if Love is the right word... in this case, perhaps Beleif. peace.

photo blog girl said...

I heard an awesome song today by Trent Tomlinson, since we're talking about angels...It's called "one Wing in the Fire." The lyrics are here:
http://www.angelfire.com/in4/hits/onewinginthefire.html

Please forgive the country music reference...

Behind Blue Eyes said...

Very sad. And you already know what I think of other worldly things. So, it would be very cool if it weren't so sad.

Orhan Kahn said...

I don't know how you do it but that brought tears to my eyes. Not being too great with goodbyes doesn't help, but to have her accept it so well is simply amazing.

Thank you for sharing that SkinnyLittleOne. That was beautiful.

Enemy of the Republic said...

This is a good post. Actually I think about angels a lot, but I don't always think they are good, and I'm not referring to Lucifer. It's that whole lack of free will thing--I'd rather be a human with the wings of an angel.

skinnylittleblonde said...

PhotoBlog Girl- Thank you for the link...apology for the country reference accepted;) My DH is forever exposing me to it.
BBE~ Thanks for visiting. Really the story is not intended to be sad...it is inspirational to me.
Orhan~ Thank you for visiting & you know, goodbyes are forever and this story is more about 'see you later.'
Enemy~ I am sure that you are in fact an angel to many, many more people than you realize... no doubt in my mind.

Beerspitnight said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Beerspitnight said...

Sometimes there are thoughts and ideas that move me. This post did just that. I want to respond so I search for a way to translate my feelings into symbols of communication.
This post illustrates the inadequacy of my language's vocabulary to express feelings.
Sometimes, perhaps, we should just shut up and let our feelings speak to ourself.
Thanks.