Saturday, June 30, 2007

Just Rambling...

There's a sink full of dishes.
And I can't find the dish soap.
Look in it's usual spot, then under the sink, then in the bathroom, the laundry room & then do it all over again.
I break down into private tears... I want to do the dishes.
I gotta do something.
Hands pressed against the brick island, hips squared, I kick out into the air. Kicking up and out at the face that doesn't exist. Kicking again & again, conscious to keep the knee back, the toes pointed, I kick as fast as I can. 300 times.
Pour myself a cup of tea and do it again on the other side.
Smoke a cigarette.
My 9' ceilings allow for a 7' high archway.
I stand, stradling the archway...one foot on tile & one on hardwood & reach up grasping the doorframe with my bony little fingers.
I pull myself up ... then curl my knees in towards my chest and then let them down to hang. My back pops. And then, I do it again & again & again.
My fingers have dents that last longer than my next cigarrette.
So I smoke another one, contemplating 'what to do.'
I lay on the tile. It's cool and hard...it's reminds me of how bony I am.
Smokie and Marbelene come to snuggle, slapping me with their tongues. Vilulah nudges in and rests her head on me. Ander plows through wanting to join the dogpile & Brodie starts to howl. I have sacrificed myself to the dogs.
Pulling myself up, I plop some Korn into the stereo.
I daydream of a man I knew who called himself Freedom.
And then I give the air 300 more kicks.
Waking up in the morning after 4 hrs sleep, my muscles are sore and I stumble to the phone.
I call my most missed soul-mate... 'Do you mind....?'
I stretch, reaching for the bellies of unseen stars.
And jump on the computer & order some brown and some black Henna.
Gonna have a Henna Tatto party.
I just gotta do something.

38 comments:

singleton said...

yeah, baby, we're gonna have a party.....
keep kickin'....
f'n ***...
ILYSVVM

eric313 said...

This was worth the wait, without a doubt.

It's hillarious, the juxtaposition of intense exercise and spiritual control vs smoking, and how the marks last longer than the cigarette. I'm a smoker too, so I know the feeling of working against one's self with every puff. The sacrificing of yourself to the dogs also was quite an image. I hope we aren't the dogs, piling forty something responses on you while you try to find peace. That would be an apt metaphor for everything you described. Beautiful work.

Heck, you did really good. Keep on kicking and living life the way you best know how to, Skinny!
peace to you and everyone else

Scott from Oregon said...

Yowza.

The miracle really hasn't changed. Kicking. Smoking.

It is all miraculous.

Orhan Kahn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Orhan Kahn said...

Sounds like you're venting. I certainly approve of that ;)

You're always welcome to email me if you need some random out-of-your-real-life person to talk/vent to.

Much <3

skinnylittleblonde said...

Singleton~ Lol...the henna ships out on Monday! Btw, the only ass getting kicked is mine...I'm feeling my age tonight! Lol, did the old exercise video this morning...I liked the kicking and hanging crunches much better.

Eric313~ Lol, always striving for balance ... make sure that it's never there, so there's always something to work for;) Actually, I am quite addicted to cigarrettes .

skinnylittleblonde said...

Scott~
I wish I was kicking smoking... but, lol, nope. I'm just kicking and smoking...

Orhan~ Lol, TYVM. I know I have quoted her before, but Miss Doris says 'Idle time leads to an idle mind & an idle mind is the devils' playground.' Just trying to keep my brain moving.

eric313 said...

me too with smokes of many shades

I like this story/poem. It has so much room, one can fly snap dragon kicks at Orion's belt in its verses. You've got the power, friend. Like you should. Keep writing.
peace

Mel said...

*nodding*

Oh the dangers of too much think time and not enough 'do' time.

My mind is a dangerous neighbourhood to wander around in, alone. Gimme something to DO.

This is why I have very clean closets. It's much less painful than exercising. LOL

JustRun said...

Ah, the thoughts caught in between. Those are both my favorite and least favorite.
A party of any kind is an excellent idea.

mindy said...

i'd like a henna tattoo..
i tried to do one myself a long time ago and all i ended up with was a green blob on my hands that stayed for weeks. lol!!!

Behind Blue Eyes said...

Don't mean to get too personal, but your okay I hope? Like OK said, you could e-mail me too. Oops.! You can't get into my blog. Hmm! I wonder why? I remember when I switched to Beta you had trouble.

My sister couldn't get in either until she went to blog search and typed in mixed episodes and now shw can get it. Anyway, hope your okay. The way you sound, brings back uncomfortable memories for me.

paddy said...

I kind of know how you feel. I need to start a new life. Any ideas please let me know.
Y;-) Paddy

piktor said...

Skinny, you are turning into one cool writer.

I send you my love.

eric313 said...

Man, I'm glad to know you all. Thanks for reading everything like that. I responded at everystop, like a grand tour. Like Singleton did when I first popped in over at justgivemepeace. My new friends. Hope you write well and find peace everywhere you want it to be.

skinnylittleblonde said...

Eric ~ Lol, this really isn't a poem or a story to just ramblings...thank you, as always, for bopping in & your encouraging spirit!

Mel~ Lol! This old house doesn't even have any closets! Can you imagine! Insanity at its' finest.

JustRun~ Yup, those thoughts that just barge in are often the best or the worst... Party indeed! Henna ships out on Monday ;)

Mindy~ Green? i guess it does come in every color, now that I think about it. We'll be doing it ourselves, so I'll have to let you know how it turns out!

BBE~ Thanks for bopping in. I'll have to do like your sis. All's well that ends well here & hope the same for you. Sorry if I reminded you of less than pleasant times. Always want that peace & love.

skinnylittleblonde said...

Paddy~ Lol, I don't think we get to really start new lives, just re-invent the old ones maybe;) Lol, skinny little blondes were very common in Florida so I moved to the foothills of the Appalachians. Hahah, still me though people see me differently ;)

Piktor ~ Ty for dropping in. I've missed you & will have to bounce over to see you. P&L to You!

eric~ Now I know where I can go when insomnia gets the best of me & I don't know what to do with myself!

eric313 said...

Cool! Anytime you want to read, go ahead and do it. Speaking of good stuff, your sister has a new post up. Always some very choice reading to be had over at the hippie parade... always inspiring.

she said...

great read as always

smell the kicks
feel the smoke

i find i'm even more creative when there's a sink full of dirty dishes.

can't stand the heat in a kitchen; but give me a hot glue gun..

and there's your invitations by the way

picture of dishes piled up in the sink on the left
picture of henna painted hands on the right

have everyone break one dish to get the party started

Bardouble29 said...

I am kicking with you!!!

Keep kicking...

singleton said...

slb...I'm ready to fling the dishes!

Mel said...

Oh......breaking the dishes sound so much more inviting than eating off of paper plates...OR doing the dishes.

Hmmmmmm....

Tai said...

Henna party -- what a perfect transition/purification/liberation ritual. Wish I could be there!

Beerspitnight said...

There was a night when I was in S. Korea, the phone was angry at me, at least the voice that was projected through the phone was angry at me. By the time I hung up the phone all I wanted to do was to go out onto the streets of Seoul to "break some shit".
I called a friend of mine who lived downstairs of me at the time. I told him I wanted to go out and break stuff. He suggested we try to find a titty bar instead.
We never found a titty bar that night, but we did find a kick-ass bar that invited us in for a good conversation.

Spadoman said...

I want a tattoo. A pirate theme. One of those bow sprit mermaids. I want to watch her take the spray and see the droplets of water hang over her. I'll look far a head to the horizon, never looking back. There is nothing back there for you. All the answers to everything you seek are in front of you. Living will tell you how it's gonna end. On a boat, sailing along with life, as you drag it by your side. Picking it up now and again and seeing if there's anything you need to pay attention to.

Peace

SpongyBones said...

When life hands you dirty dishes and nothing to clean with ... hell ya party time!

Just use paper plates for the paint!

*wink*

skinnylittleblonde said...

Eric ~ Honey I know how inspirational she can be...she's been doing that for me since she was but a child! Glad to find someone else who sees the beauty I see.

She Your comment here made me laugh out loud. My invitations will simply come straight off the tongue... but the dishes, they should just go into a box to the left. LOL.

BarD~ Kicking indeed. I have turned into work-out woman in the past 2 weeks. I figure 6 more weeks & I will be one hard body.

Singleton~ Lol, I know your sink has no dirty dishes...that would involve eating at home something which doesn't come ready to eat ;)

Mel ~ Ok, bring it on...we'll hook you up with some skin art, let you break some dishes & I'll serve only food which can be eaten with the hands!

Tai~ Ride along w/ Mel & Come on! We could give you a great flying elephant tattoo!

Beerspit~ Lol, not so long ago, I found one of those bars too & I ended up sitting by the river @ 3am finding peace, counsel & refuge in some strangers words & company.

Spongy~ paper plates rock...we can use them as palettes, fans, masks, frisbees, bras or whatever the hell else we feel like! Ok, so it will be a paper plate & henna party!

vicci said...

Paiger Girl...I love ya!!!!

Anonymous said...

it's about time....too sexy of a lady to be taken advantage of like that

skinnylittleblonde said...

Vicci ~ Your ears must have been burning! I have missed you & I apologize for my selfish absentee-isms!

Anonymous~ Although I respect your anonyminity,(sp) I can't help but wonder who you are so that I'd know if you are just a voyeur or someone I actually know...lol. Ya' know... credibility.

Anonymous said...

I am in no way a voyeur. But must remain anonymous. Just an admirer.

slaghammer said...

It makes my bones hurt just reading about that kind of physical activity.

skinnylittleblonde said...

Slag~ Hahaha...yes, I might have started out a bit over the top, soooo many little muscles hurting!

anonymous~ Hey, no problems... Lol, I live in a 'hood that once was crack central ...I definitely know the value of being 'anonymous' Anyhoo, feel free to comment anywhere, anytime & sign as you like ... here, we are all free to say what we like!

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Kicking is good for the soul - especially since I quit smoking (last week)..

eric313 said...

Thanks, Skinny! I just posted again! Maybe I should save my visits for after I post--but then again, you are all welcome to respond to me as much as you want.

Glad to see you making art; it's in your souls, you sweet three of a kind unique among the stars.
take care, Skinny
peace

skinnylittleblonde said...

Shrink~ Oh you keep kicking girl! It's good, real good. Kicking the habit & kicking the air is even better!

eric1313-Your words are so beautiful...TY.

eric313 said...

skinny!
I was eating dinner. I'm here and at the painted porch.

eric313 said...

Clink!
Tink!
P&L & inspiration
write about anything you want,
the fancy language can all get
added later, like clothing
or flowers on a cake
see you around, friend