Tuesday, March 27, 2007

FREAK!

All in all, throughout my educational life, I enrolled into new schools 13 times. Thirteen. Lucky thirteen. Thirteen times, I was a new face. Thirteen times I was able to re-define myself, if you will. Thirteen times I was exposed to new educational environment & a new social culture. Thirteen opportunities to make a whole new set of friends.

One transition, in particular, was kind of rough for me. I went from a casual seaside environment into the world of big city stuffiness. We were 'moving on up.'

The kids at my old school wore Ocean Pacific, Innerlight, SunBritches & Levis. The kids at my new school wore Polo & Aigner. Clothes are so important as a budding teen-ager...in a sense they help define you. I was blown away that girls at my new school wore panty hose & high heels to school, that they carried pocketbooks to match their shoes and doubled their blue pencil eye-liner up with liquid black eye-liner. In my world, they were s-t-u-f-f-y!

I entered this new school in February of my tenth grade. In my Innerlight surf shirt, skin tight Levi's and choker coral necklace, I guess I stood out in appearance a little. I entered my first class & could hear the whispers...'the new girl is a freak.'

Hmmm...now I had been called lots of things in my young life, but, uh, freak was not one of them. I didn't get it...did I have an extra head growing off my back or something? oh well, I dismissed the comments. That wouldn't last long.

The skinny little blonde that so many know as being full of peace & love was once, and sometimes still, is full of spit & fire.

Upon entering my second class, the same thing happened...even more so, as this teacher had less control on her students. As I left the teachers desk to grab a seat left vacant toward the back I locked eyes with someone just as they spat out the words "FREAK" at me. Barely breaking my stride, I leaned into this guys ear and whispered a throaty, heart-felt "Fuck You.' Later, we became friends but not before I discovered some unknown enemies.

Walking down the ever-so-congested hallway, I suddenly got shoved, shoved hard by someone. I heard someone say 'excuse me' and I thought it was an accident. As I knelt to pick up my scattered books, I heard the girls laughing & saw them look over their shoulders at me. I didn't exactly hear the words, but I saw the girl with the heavy blue eye-liner lips move...'Fuck You Freak' and then a smile curled up as she tossed her peroxide streaked & permed head around.

Skinny snaked her way through the people, passing 3-4 folks with each stride. I got right behind the pack of girls that had shoved me. One was tall, two were average & one was short. All of them were wider than me...but a telephone pole had been rumoured to be wider than me. They had forgotten all about me & were busy chatting it up on something else. I summed them up with my eyes.

As they went to turn the corner I slammed the biggest girl with all of might. She flew all the way across the angle of the hall. I said 'Excuse Me!' and kept on with my long stride.

Later on, a boy, a stranger came up to me and asked if i was Paige so&so. I asked him why. He said 'Your Ass is Grass.' Whatever. 'No, really Helen Bed & all of her friends are going to jump you after school. They say you shoved them.' Ummm...I don't even know them, I said. 'That's rough because they know you.'

Before you knew, the short chick with the blue eye-liner came up and asked me what bus# I rode. I asked her why & she told me that she & her friends were going to kick my butt as soon as I got off the bus. Nobody messed with them. Yeah, right Ok...well, then I guess you'll have to figure my bus # out yourselves.

Art class, 5th period, was two rooms. One entry, one exit with one emergency side door. the kids in 11th grade had to paddle through the tenth grade room to get to theirs. As I sat waiting for the class to begin I watched the people coming in & passing through & thought to myself...this is one screwed up room.

She passed through...the chick with the heavy blue eye-liner. She didn't see me as I sat there. The bell sounded and the door between the two rooms was closed. there was one small glass panel to the right on that door. I got up & moved to another seat, a seat where I could look through that window right onto Helen Bed. I was staring her down & she never noticed it, wrapped up in her personal doodlings. But some of my classmates DID notice it.

They were eager to tell me how she was the one who hated me. Apparently her boyfriend had just broken up with her & she saw me talking to him before school. They told me his name. They described him to me. So many new faces & names, I had no idea who he was. Didn't matter. According to her I was a slut & I stole her boyfriend. i was a freak and she & her gal-pals were going to beat me up. OK, fine.

The bell rang. I left my books on the desk & stood by the slat window door watching as all the 11th graders meandered out. Helen saw me. She froze. She waited, looking through her bag, her books etc. 6th period apparantly was teacher plan period because the teachers too soon exited into the office off of the 10th grade room. She was now alone in the 11th grade room. I stepped in & shut the door behind me. She started yelling... 'Fuck you, you little freak whore. I got your bus number. It's # 113! Me & my friends are so gonna kick your ass'

I didn't steal your boyfriend, I don't even know who he is. I don't want to fight you or your friends.

She was nearing hysteria & could care less what I had to say. Apparently she took my my initial words as a weakness & she continued on her verbal tyrade of how they were going to beat me so bad that I wouldn't ever want to come back to this school.

Before I even realized what was happeneing, I had this girl by the neck with her feet dangling 2-3" above the ground and her back to the wall. Nose to nose, with my teeth clinched shut peace & love turned to spit & fire. 'Fuck you bitch. I don't know you & I don't want to know you.You come today after school & you bring your friends, as many as you can and you all just kick my ass & kick it good, you hear me? It may be a day, a week or even a month, but it won't be long I can guarantee you that...I will come back to you. And I will kick your ass. I'll draw blood bitch & might even leave your fucking toothless!' Whew! Her blue eye-liner and heavy mascara was in streaks running down her cheek. I let go. She stood there shaking. I turned to leave & she stuttered 'You don't know my friends.'

'Yeah, well, you don't know me & you have no idea what you have just gotten yourself into.'

My brother saved me a seat on the school bus. He asked if I knew Helen Bed. She was in his 6th period class & was talking about the new girl Paige. She was saying that she thought I was crazy & that she was going to have all of her friends kick my butt. I was a slut & a freak.

My brother has dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair, a broad flat face looking very much like the Native American Indian that allowed my parents to adopt him. He correctly assumed she'd not immediately realize that we were siblings (In fact another new girl who became one of my best friends was assumed to be his sister because of the physical similarities)

Anyway, he asked her who she was talking about. She answered & he laughed. She asked him why he was laughing and he said 'All I can say is Good Luck. You don't know who you are dealing with. She may look small but she can lay a grown man out.' He said her eyes bugged out & she said 'what?!' He told me that he said 'I don't know...black belt, taekwondo, karate, I don't know but she's trained at something'

I got off the school bus & there was no-one there.

I never got shoved again & they quit calling me 'freak.'

In October, I turned 16 & signed myself out of that school.

Yep, we were moving on up indeed.

*I usually try to keep posts here positive & relatively clean...but felt compeled for whatever reasons to write about this. If your offended, I apologize.
If you are disappointed to see that I am not all peace & love, then welcome to the real world...sometime we have to fight for our peace.

30 comments:

Hammer said...

Good for you, standing up to bullies is the only way to be.

I changed schools a dozen times myself and often came in in the middle of a school year.

I've run into the same types of people before and had 15 show up in front of my house. Sometimes
acting crazy and violent is the only way to keep from getting your ass kicked.

Great story.

Matt said...

I routinely inflate my tao kwon do qualifications myself. :) In my mind, I kick ass.

Don said...

This was awesome. I wish I'd had your moxie. I got beat up in 7th thru 9th for being a long-haired skinny white boy. Eventually all the punks left school but for a long time I felt I never took my territory back. Where did you learn to be tough? Someone must have told you what I wished they'd told me, that you just have to stand up for yourself and the worst thing that can happen is better then giving in.

paulo said...

I think your willingness to fight back was what made her leave you alone, more than your brother saying anything. Those sorts of people prey upon the weak. Anybody who doesn't fight back is a prime target.

In thinking about high school, I always wish I would have attacked at least one of the people who ever messed with me. It wouldn't have mattered if I got my ass kicked or not, it would have let them know they couldn't mess with me without repercussions. Instead, I just took it, and they fucked with me all through school. Maybe it built character, and in the end it wasn't such a bad thing, but it really sucked at the time.

Pixie said...

Good for you Skinny!
I loath bullies and it seems to me Girls are always much worse then boys.
Boys tend to fight and then its forgotten where as girls have all their frinds gang up on you, do all the name calling the writing bad things about you etc etc.

Baron Ectar said...

How I wish I had a friend like you when I was a kid. I love this - love love love this!

skinnylittleblonde said...

Hammer~ Funny how everyone notices the new kid mid-year and no-one does if you moved in the summer. Bullies suck & live with a false sense of security.

Matt~Hey, we do what we gotta do, right? ;)

don~ Lol...Mom told me, as a little girl, that if a group was picking on me that I should single out the instigator or the biggest one & 'Nip It' with them, one on one. She said the rest would follow. Wise Woman!

paulo~ I look back & it seems like teen-agers were on a whole different plane than the rest of the world, lol...I beleive most folks grow out of such behavior, while others medicate or at least need to ;)

Pixie! Lol, yes it's true. When agressive men get...agressive, women...they can get calculating & evil.

baron ~ Lol, yes...I would have introduced you to profanities and gotten you into alot of trouble!

Mel said...

I never thought of myself as a bully--just someone 'not to be messed with'.
Truth is, I messed with a whole lot of people. It's nothing I'm proud of......

I'm glad to say that today I get to work with some fine young teenagers who are hugely involved in the 'no bullying allowed' group at their school as well 'character counts'. They do a stand up job and I couldn't be prouder of them and FOR them.

Gotta hope for the undoings of what I was a part of, once upon a time, eh?

kj said...

woo hoo! you've written a tale of inspiration that has me laughing in the aisles and flexing my emotional muscles.

and a fine piece of writing, girl!

No said...

Damn..I love it...I just became a bad ass at age 42...and a freak too, I might add.

LiNaLaNi said...

children can be cruel....am glad u stood up for urself:)

JustRun said...

I actually think it's quite remarkable that you'd stand up for yourself at that age when so many kids would just be afraid. We all need a little spit and fire, being walked on is not going to foster peace or love anyway.

Slick said...

Shoot, don't apologize for offending...that was your story.

Kind of felt like I do after watching "Rocky",invincible you know...

You're a little firecracker :)

mindy said...

i would have probably hid. :)
i've never been in a fight and i'd like to keep it that way!
isn't it crazy how mean kids are to each other. it's scary. good for you and standing up for yourself!

vicci said...

Fuckin kids can be so rude! I'm glad you let them know not to mess around! :-)...mean aren't we! :-)
Grrrrrrrr!

skinnylittleblonde said...

Mel ~ Lol...like I said in comment earlier, I think teen-agers are on a whole different plane than the rest of the world. That was nearly 25 years ago for me & when I look back on it, I feel like I was a totally different person then(in a way, but not completely) We all do things as teen-agers that we would never dream of doing as a little kid & find it hard to swallow as an adult.

KJ~ TY & TY for coming by! I'm glad you laughed, so did my hubby the first time he heard the story.

NO~ LoL, I hope nobody gets the wrong idea & wants to beat you up because of it! If so... you know what to do! ;)

linalani~ Yes, children can be cruel & teens can be dumb! I was no exception :)

JustRun~ You final words really resinate with me....did u see my secret message? ;)

Slick ~ I know some readers allow their children to read my stuff & although there may, or may not, be a good lesson or two in there for them...there is also the wonderful 'F' bomb (my favorite type of bomb...much better than the atomic, nuclear and occasional doggie bomb:)

Mindy~ Hiding would have led to having to continue to hide...although I could have probably done something better. I haven't been in any altercations in years & years & years... however, as a little kid, it was not uncommon. Life is for living & learning :)

Vicci! ~ LoL, You crack me Up! You are so sweet & thoughtful that I cannot imagine you having a mean bone in your body... but, I know that smart women know when to play dumb & sweet women know when to get mean ;) ILY Girl!

Anne said...

Great story, Skinny! LOL! I was LMAO at your story that you left in someone's comments the other day about scaring some delinquents with a bull horn too. You're a fiesty critter, aren't you? Lol! :D

Fuzzylogic said...

Wow,that was a great story Skinny. I loved the way you stood and put the bully in place,not many kids would have done that. Kids can be pretty cruel and rude at times.A little spit and fire is very much needed to survive high school!

Angela Marie said...

Funny how that always happens to the new girl... I have been there too Paige! I was in the 7th grade.

You have to stand up for yourself or they will eat you alive!

Over time I became best friends with my hellacious enemy. I would find myself also being a friend to new comers and showing them around until they felt comfortable. I would not let anyone be mean to the new girl. I can remember getting dress for P.E., one girl irritated with me for doing that and asking me why? I called her on it and told her I know how it feels. I do not know why girls have to be so mean. I read a book called "Odd girl out" about the behavior of girls. It can be a silent look that says everything.

Yes.. you have to fight for your peace.

Orhan Kahn said...

Your best tale yet. I'm usually distracted when I'm reading, but I stopped everything I was doing in the background to give the story 100% attention. Well done Paige, I'm proud you weren't afraid to admit all of this. I connect more and more with with every deep post like this.

Nithya N said...

i dunno if i'm more jealous or more happy that all of these didn't happen to me..well i guess i'm both :) i shouldn't have spent all my time bossing cute guys around...

skinnylittleblonde said...

Anne~ LoL, a girl's gotta do what a girls gotta do!;) One day I may post more about some experiences here, in the ghetto.

Fuzzy~lol, yes sometimes the spit & fire is needed to give a healthy
balance to the peace & love.

Angela marie~ I like the title of that book! I think that that teens, busy defining themselves, often go to extremes.

Orhan~ It's always good to see you here & I am glad that you enjoyed this post. I know that your teen years held some crazy experiences too!

Nithya n ~ Lol, hmmm...now I don't know if I should have spent more time bossing cute boys around! Maybe I should have tracked her ex-boyfriend down & handled it all thru him! ;)

Doug said...

That was an awesome post! I can't say enough good things about it. That was pretty brave to push back especially in a completely new environment. As far as keeping it clean it's usually a very good idea. Sometimes I'm unsure how to write. Sometimes it's vulgar but if I change words and events it often times changes the essence of the post. Kudos on keeping it clean. I try to but so often fail. Any suggestions on that matter?

singleton said...

God, I love you!

ps..."sometimes you gotta fight for your right to party" coming soon to a world near you!

JR's Thumbprints said...

This is a very positive post. I usually get called all sorts of things as a teacher in a prison system. My trump card: put the word "free" in front of that. Free nerd. Free asshole. Free, free, free.

slaghammer said...

My father unit called me “eccentric” when I was maybe eight or nine and I took great comfort in that. As long as he and people like him considered me strange, then I knew I was on the right track. The same for my school years, my friends and I were proud to be called freaks. It was more proof that I was not, in any shape, form, or fashion, like them. I still feel that way.

skinnylittleblonde said...

Doug~ Lol...sometimes curse words are part of the punch of the tale being told. I cuss, probably more in real life, but still try to limit it to times when emphasis is needed

Singleton ~ Lol...and I am coming to a twon near you & you are coming to town near me! Can't wait to see you in the middle ground.

jr's thumbprint~ True, but as my grnadfather was always fond of saying...nothing's really free, everything's got a price.

Slag~ I love your comment. I came to find out that 'freak' in those parts meant a 'partyer' as opposed to what I was accustomed to it meaning, which would be more like a word used to describe someone that belonged in the circus side show.

I, like the view said...

wow

what an amazing story

I felt so empowered reading that

people used to think I was a freak - just because I wasn't like them and didn't wear the same clothes

I wish I had had your sense of will power at that age

thanks for sharing that

skinnylittleblonde said...

ILTV~ TY, but I think it was more of a sense of survivalism, amplified by shock & anger, & not will power that saved my butt. ;)

psycho-therapist said...

paiger- i wish i'd had you as a friend in school. it was a total misery for me. preps called me a witch and other assorted names. and i got beaten up by a tough girl with double eyeliner who i didn't even KNOW!!! i dropped out at sixteen, took my GED the following week with a bunch of boys from reform school and that was that.
great post!