Monday, February 09, 2009

Keepers...and such

Maybe I was 4 or 5, I don't know. BrotherLove had been sick, really sick & he was in and out of the hospital a good bit. And when he was at home, he got special foods and in my young eyes, special treatment. I don't think I resented him for it, but maybe I did... 'Look Skinny, I got this just for you.' 'What?' "Look. It's Emerald' My brother. A year and a half older than me...maybe 6 or 7. A tiny little ring with a heart-shaped 'emerald' ...from him to me. And I still have it. I don't keep it out for the world to see. I may not even look at it for a year or two at a time. But sometimes I slip it onto my pinkie finger...a keeper.

I might have been 16 or maybe I was 18. Not was a while ago. I was camping with the guys and had my lawnchair plopped into the icy creek. Every swill or two of beer, I would reach down, grab a rock and 'Ker-plop,' I would sink it about 15' downstream...slowly building a dam. Lynyrd dropped his chair next to mine... 'You're building a dam?' 'Kinda, I guess' 'That's against the law.' 'What?' And as he went on to tell me about some fishing and forestry laws, I reached down for one more rock... and I discovered that what I thought would be my last would really be my first. My oldest heart shaped rock... On the floor in my bathroom... a keeper.

Maybe I was 20 or maybe I was 22, I don't recall. I just remember my room-mate & her sister... 'Those shorts are disgusting Skinny. You need to go shopping!' 'But, I love these shorts.' 'Hahaha...weren't they your brothers in high school?' 'Hee, hee, hee...yeah, and they were my sisters in high school before they were his.' From Kimbies to BrotherLove and on down to me... busted old Levi's Yeah, I still have them. I don't wear them all the time. But I still pull them out when it feels right ... they too are keepers.

Maybe I was 5, 19, 27, 35 or 42. I can't remember. The years are like the sky over a sunless, moonless sea...hard to tell where one begins and another maybe they just go on for all eternity. But whenever it was, I discovered love....good love... pure, truthful, soulful, profound, kindred spirit love. "That's not love Skinny. When you love someone, you want to settle down, have a family. You have never wanted to do that with him...never! That is not love." "Hmmm... maybe it's just a different type of love? OK?" "What would you do if he said 'Marry Me or I'll never see you again?'" "Hmmm... he wouldn't do that but, I guess I'd have to say 'See You Later.'" "See! That is NOT Love. Have you ever stopped to wonder why you guys say you feel the way you do?" "Nope. I think we just accept it for what it is and for a generation now, simply accepting it for what it is has worked. " "How can you say that it has worked?" "Because we still have peace & we still have love..." He's a keeper.

I don't know if naivety or wisdom... selfishness or selflessness... fear or conviction... and honestly, it doesn't really matter. It is what it is. Keepers. We all have them. We all want them. We all need them. Sometimes, in my opinion, my experience... In order to truly keep them, you can't always keep them on your pinkies, on your hips, in your rivers or even in your daily life.
Elasticity. Peace. Love.


Anne said...

I think it's love allright.

If someone wants to hold onto me too tightly, it sometimes seems to come from insecurity rather than love, and it makes me feel suffocated. I've sadly had to say goodbye to a few nice people for that reason. Better to be alone and free. Better yet to love someone and still feel free.

Fly free and happy like a butterfly, dear Skinny.

Mel said...

<-- considers you a 'keeper'.

Just sayin'.....


skinnylittlesister said...

Anne...I somehow knew that you would know how different love can many different levels, degrees and types, none to be under-estimated.
So often we see where the clothes, the company, the job, and yes, even the love, define a person and really, I guess I prefer it the other way around ;)

skinnylittlesister said...

Awwwww Mel...You are a Keeper Too! Funny,in this virtual world, I find that this big old world is actually not-so-big and there are so very many beautiful spirits out here, reminding live, love, laugh & all that good stuff. You are an integral player in all of that & I am evermore grateful!

Dee said...

heh, heh...not to miss the point of your posts but...nice cutoffs! I still have a pair from when I was 19..not quite as broken in as yours but still they qualify..they have been to the falls, the beach, the pool, and a few concerts.
P.S. Good couple of posts, good reading for recouping eyeballs. :)

skinnylittlesister said...

Dee...Lol,yep, I'd say those shorts of yours qualify as keepers! They just get softer and softer. So glad your eyeballs are healing up girl & I cannot wait to see you!

Anonymous said...

I love your stockings, and your shorts,heh. nice blog by the way :]


skinnylittlesister said...

Hi Nicole. Thanks.